Things the World Needs

So, I've decided there are certain things that the world is in dire need of:

• A law that states that all cigarrettes are to be manufactured in such a way that smokers die much, much sooner, and are much more heavily addicted - so that these inconsiderate bastards (yes, I'm generalizing, if you don't like it read someone else's blog) are wiped off our planet in a coughing, spluttering haze of smokey death sooner rather than later.

• A law that states that all cars are to be manufactured in such a way that if the driver has been consuming alcohol beyond an agreed limit, the brakes stop working. The deaths will be greater at first, but once people realize the impacts of their decisions to drink and drive, they will do it less.

• Genetically engineered bananas that always peel correctly, every time.

• Coffee jars that, when open, do not have a magnetic effect on tea spoons. Is it just me, or is the number of times I am spastically unable to lift the coffee-filled spoon over the lip of the jar (and in the process sending spurts of coffee powder unnecessarily all over the kitchen counter and floor) unusually high? Who decides these statistics? How can the spoon be magnetically sucked to the jar every time? That can't be right.

That's it. That's the list. We can only save the world one small step at a time.